And so it begins...

My Confession:
I am starting this blog as a sort of motivation for myself. I bet there are hundreds of these out there. Personal, intimate professions to help one motivate to get back on track. Sure it may be public, but it's more of a statement to oneself.

I decided to do this for myself. Best case scenario, I use it as a way to track my progress and keep me going. Perhaps I am able to help motivate a few people along the way. Worst case scenario, I give up and only have a few blog posts. I can then look back and see another thing that I failed at, and hope to go at it again. So here it is!

A Fat Girls History:
I have been trying to lose weight for years. I may lose 5 pounds here, 10 pounds there. Then gain some back. It hasn't been significant but I have never been satisfied by where I am with my weight. Back in 2004 I weighed almost 290 pounds. I am 6 feet tall, but that is way too much even for my height. I should be about 170-185 lbs. I didn't even recognize that I was gaining so much weight. I was only out of High School for a few years and was oblivious. Once I started to open my eyes and see what was going on, I heard the remarks from family and friends. I decided to start a journey where I made a few small changes in my life. I started weight watchers, I gave up soda, I started working out.

It's weird now that I go back and think about how I went from 290 to 215 in what seems like only months and I didn't even try too hard. I realize now, I didn't understand how many bad decisions I was making, so by only changing a few things I was able to change my weight so fast. Since then, I have become well aware of my weight and how much I gain or lose. This is a curse and a blessing all in the same scenario.

I met the man of my dreams and slowly over the past 5 years I went from my lowest (in my adult life) of 215 up to 248. That is where I am at now. I have struggled so hard the past 3 years especially to get my weight under control. I know I am the only one who can control it, but it's so easy to get off track. So this is where my story starts again, this time I will control my out come.

A New Beginning:

Yesterday I was scrolling through instagram on my phone. I was sitting in front of the TV looking at all the fitness models on my instafeed. I follow all sorts of fitmotivation on my instagram account but it has done no good. For whatever reason it hit me... I have every way to control absolutely everything regarding how I feel about myself. It will not cost me anything to get healthy, it will not break the bank, it won't hurt me. This is the one thing that I can have for myself that I cannot buy or get someone else to do for me. I have to do it if I want it.

I woke up this morning with that thought in my head. I have all the tools to succeed, I just need to do it. It's a direct reflection on me when I fail. I have read other blogs, and other peoples stories when they say they just had that 'aha moment'. I feel like this is my 'AHA' moment.

I am going to start this journey and only end it when I want to because I am satisfied with my health. This isn't about just losing weight, it's about being happy with myself and living a long healthy life.

Current Sats:
I am 6 foot tall.
My current weight is 248 pounds.
BMI (according to this site) 33.6%

Ultimate Goal:
180 pounds
BMI 24.4%
Happy and Healthy

I understand that this is going to take me some time. I am going to set small goals along the way to achieve my ultimate goal.

I will document my progress and commit to at least being honest with myself and how I track my updates.

I do have pictures I have taken on my start date. I am a little embarrassed to post them now, perhaps when I lose and feel better I will at least post them then.

And so it begins!